perchance to dream

Hello all

2005-11-24T10:36:39Z

So I'm kinda bored so I thought I'd say hi. I'm having a little bit of an emo day today which was made slightly better by an hour and a half of yoga. I need my emo sister to come and play with me. I guess I shall have to wait for the weekend for that. If anyone knows the band Tilly and the Wall they have a song 'I always knew' and I'm kinda using that as my empowering song at the moment. I feel it is freakishly about me. It's kinda helping but being friends with Sharmin has helped me become proud for my emo-ness.
I'M EMO AND I'M PROUD.
So all these things that are going around in my head are just adding to me being emo. Maybe I should go drink whiskey with Conor and Tim in Omaha.

I'm very excited about moving into a new house on Saturday with no parents to ask pointless and annoying questions every five minutes. I've been constantly thinking about where I'm going to put things and hoping that everything will fit in my room. I'm going to spend most of Saturday rearranging and making everything perfect.Yay for a house that will soon become a home (and hopfully a party home!)

not_poetry @ 2005-11-06T17:57:00

2005-11-06T06:58:39Z

"And Mike I'll teach you how to swim
if you turn the bad in me into good again"

I'm back...but for how long

2005-10-30T10:26:46Z

So I was just totally inspired to write on this thing for the first time in like 2 months or longer. I kinda just wanted to send out a small thank you to all my friends. I have had some of the best weekends of my life since being back. I really don't think I tell you all enough how much I love you. So thank you dear school friends, boyfriends who have become dear frinds and random people who have become or are being some of my favourite people.

So anyway I feel at the moment like I'm kinda in limbo. This is going to sound a lot worse then I intend it to but I feel I am nothing. I can't really describe it because I don't really mean it in a bad way. I know it sounds selfish but I like to feel speical and lately I've just been feeling gross. I don't know what it is but its just really annoying me now. I've been living in my head more and more lately and that kinda scares me because I really like being in that world but its not reality and I fear the lines are going to start to get blurry. Man why is it that when I'm in my room alone I can articulate things so well then when I try to write them done they just don't come out the way I want.

Well this post really took a turn around. When I was inspired to write on it I was all happy and wanted to tell the world how much I love them, but hey what are you going to be, I'm just one big contradiction!

Help

2005-09-06T19:11:58Z

I am sitting in the airport waiting for my flight. I have the worst feeling about coming home that has just hit me now. For the last 3 months I have been living in my own little world, but now I have to go home and face everything. Everything that I thought would happen when I got home now has the potentional to fuck up. I am actually really scared right now. I also dont wont to deal with the fact that I have to leave my sister for another 3 months. She means so much to me and she always makes everything seem okay. I want this feeling to go away, now. Its a good thing that I am going home and I cant wait to see everyone so why do I feel like Im about to have a panic attack?

I'm coming home

2005-09-03T18:16:38Z

Hello

I am returning home on Thursday! I think i get in at about 8 30 am but I may not catch my connecting flight. I will send around a message in that does happen. I think that you should all come visit me at my house that day and hang out with me all day! Anyway I can't wait to see you all and I can't believe I'm home so soon.

Hey does anyone what to come see spoon with me???

okay see you all soon

Hello again

2005-08-14T19:34:02Z

Why hello Adelaide friends,

This is just a quick message to say hi. I hope all is well at home and everyone is having fun. I can't wait to see you all in just over three weeks!

Anyway I have just returned from a festival in a field near Lewes. Is was a burleseque festival and it was insane. I went with five other people which was great. Everyone was dressed up and they had a casino and live shows, a fair few naked people and many many people on drugs. They were actually proper stalls selling soda bombs so that people could inhale toxic fumes. I have never in my life witnessed anything that crazy.

So whats up in Adelaide? You will all have to tell me home the first crank is as I'm very excited that we have a place to dabce again. Elysia I want to come see your house as soon as I get home as it is very exciting.

Well London is starting to get cold althogh this week is going to be around 25 degrees. I have short hair that also has some pink in it but I think it may become brown before I come home. The Notting Hill canival is coming up which will be massive and I'm going to see the pixies the week before I leave. I'm shopping like crazy and am loving every second of it.

I better gho as I am on Robi's computer. I miss you all like crazy

love
leigh

hello all

2005-07-22T12:59:33Z

Hello to all my live journal friends.

I thought it would be best if I updated this thing while I was here in london rathen then sending e-mails as my last e-mail to beth didn't work and I don't have dans address.

So anyway I hope things are well in Adelaide. London is very cool but kinda in choas at the moment. The Police shot a man today at a tube station and some of the tubes aren't running (my line the northen line included) so I'm having to take the bus which is fine but there is so much traffic. I took my 2 hours to get home yesterday when it shold have atken about 45 mins.

Besides from that I'm having the best time. I'm obsessed with the camden markets. Dan you would love them so much. Stacey took me to Columbia road on sunday to the flower market which was more fun then it shoulds. All these big tattooed english guys selling their flowers and giving advise. We got a cupcake there then went down to Bricklane via this really cool jewelery store. We went and sat at a bar on bricklane for most of the day and it was just so relaxed and chilled out.

So whats been happening with all of you?

so this is the new year...

2005-01-09T10:22:47Z

Things seem to be looking up even though at the moment I'm totally confused.

I'm finally excited about a new year full of new experiences. I can see now that if I could re-do last year then there are a few things I would done differently but I'm kinda okay with everything now. I'm like to take my chances this year!

not_poetry @ 2004-12-26T16:56:00

2004-12-26T06:35:34Z

With every second of everyday things just keep getting worse. I can't remember another time when I have felt this bad.

I want to crawl in a hole and die

not_poetry @ 2004-12-19T11:33:00

2004-12-19T01:03:24Z

***

Have a nice summer

***

not_poetry @ 2004-12-03T17:57:00

2004-12-03T07:28:51Z


buffy the vampire slayer is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

So does anyone else find these things freakishly accurate???

not_poetry @ 2004-11-08T18:11:00

2004-11-08T07:46:27Z

I love the new Used album so much that if it were possible for me to have its children I totally would!

***

I came to the realisation on the weekend that the music I love is my identity. I've been in a terrible state lately thinking that there was nothing to me and that I had no idea who I was. I now see that music doesn't just inspire me, it is me!

***

I am feeling very relaxed afater a very calm weekend and a wonderful night at Beck Normans. That girl just has this way of putting things into perspective and making me think that everything will all be fine

what do I do?

2004-11-04T10:06:29Z

I'm getting really scared now. I don't know what to say or what to do. I see the ones I love waisting away and when I try to help I get yelled at. The mind is such a powerful thing and when it is set in its ways no one can break them but the one the brain controls. I wish I could help, I wish I knew more about it all so I might be able to help, I wish I had enough patience. I don't know if I should just give up and move on or stay and fight. I fighting a losing battle I know that much! I see the harm it is causing and I'm more scared then I have ever been before.

I wish I could help

2004-11-04T09:41:39Z

if I could I would shrink myself
sink through your skin to your blood cells
remove whatever makes you hurt
but I am too weak to be your cure

so...

2004-10-24T12:58:56Z

I thought that I was totally over the period in my life where I hate everything but alas it has returned.
It seems that nothing can cheer me up right now. I don't know why I have been like this lately.
The only thing that makes me happy is kinda just all in my head.
Up until a couple of months ago I use to live in my head constantly. I guess that is why I can't really remember past events, I never actually lived them properly.
I've gone back to that.
The problem is that I like the world I have created in my mind and I don't see any reason why I should leave it.
I don't like myself and I don't really like my life right now. I feel like an outsider and that I'm just drifting with no purpose.
I just wish I could skip ahead five years so that I can hopefully be over this.

woo

2004-10-24T12:37:44Z

jesus jesus jesus jesus jesus

oh my god!

:)

feeling bad

2004-10-18T08:20:13Z

I feel really strange today! Kinda like I don't matter at all. Everything seems pointless and worthless. I feel alone and I can't see that ever changing. I think I need to go away for a weekend, I think I need to get things clear in my head. I know I need to talk thing out with more then one person but I just don't know how to bring it up. I'm afraid things will become weird, because I think I alreadly know the out come. I guess I don't really make an impression. All I've ever wanted is to be told that I'm special, but that has never come. I guess I'm getting sick of waiting.

new music, yay

2004-10-08T11:53:23Z

I am now $110 poorer, but I do have four new CDs to show for that hard earned money!

Yesterday I went CD shopping. Buying Cds always makes me feel happy. Big Star didn't have two of the CDs I wanted so I asked them to order them in as no where in Adelaide seems to have them. I then received a call for them later in the day saying that they have searched every catalogue they have and they think that the bands I wanted don't exist! I was so annoyed because I have been wanting these CDs for so long. I ended up calling my sistr in London and asking her if she could look for them there for me. She said that she knows of a few CD stores that are likely to have them. Adelaide sucks!

I'm sorry to inform you, sometimes love can deform you

Yay Bit By Bats this weekend. I'm just a little excited about seeing the boys again, and about a big night at Bang!
So what are you doing saturday night?

image thingo

2004-10-08T11:39:16Z

1. Think of a word you would use to describe me.
2. Go to Google Image Search and search for that word.
3. Select the picture you see as most fitting, and post it as a reply.
4. Post this in your journal.

taken from _buttons

not_poetry @ 2004-10-06T18:28:00

2004-10-06T08:58:23Z

It seems I've caught a cold and its two years old, it won't seem to go away.
For the first time in a long time, feeling better today!

My thoughts for this morning

2004-09-27T02:33:11Z

Okay so lately I don't know where I stand with you. I wish you would just tell me what friendship you want. I don't want to continue in this way if you don't. I don't want you to end up resenting me! You know I'm a big girl and I can handle it!

So anyway I loved my weekend this week although I didn't really do much.
Bang was great and full of my favourite people, great music, unexpected show ups, poking fights, drunk Nathan, dancing, girls, boys, and an insult war written on the request list.
On Sunday I met Vic after she finshed work and we got to sit down and talk without being yelled at. I don't really see her that much and haven't known her for that long but she and I just get along so well. She gave me great advice and told me all about the boy she kissed.
Sunday night was the elephant walk with Beth, Kim, Dan, Desi and Elysia. There was much laughing and merriment. I laughed so much that I cried three times. By the way Elysia I don't think that you are bad fruit! I had jasmin in my hair and could smell it all night. The sent of jasmin just makes me think of spring and makes me happy.
I went to bed on Sunday night a little angry and confused. I wish I didn't get affected by things so easily!

Now I have a week of work to look forward too!
So how was your weekend?

to Stacey

2004-09-23T06:36:35Z

This time around I really miss my sister.
I guess it is because last time, I knew, she had to come back.
She could only be there for two years.
Now she could never come home.
I don't want to have to hear about what she has been doing, I want to do it with her.
I don't want her to hear about my life from her friends, I want her to have to tell them.
I just want someone in my house that I connect to, someone to share things with, to laugh with.
I want her to come home.
Maybe if I said I love you face to face she would come.
I can't remember ever doing that before.
I need something or someone to fill the hole she has left inside me.
All I have now is the hope that maybe, one day, she'll come back.

My wish list

2004-09-21T12:29:04Z

There are so many things I want to say but the words just never seem to come. They get stuck in my mouth every time I try to speak up.

I want to tell you how much I love you and that if it weren't for you I'd be totally lost. I want to be able to help the way the other can. I want to be able to talk to you again, feel like I can share things with you again. I want to tell you how I hurt, but I don't want to be that person.

And I want to tell you that I wish we were better friends. I want to know you better, I want to feel connected to you. I don't want to feel like the third wheel when you're around. I'm sick of being pushed aside.

Then I want to tell you that I don't want anything to change and yet I want it to be different. I want it to all be clear, to know what you want. I wish I could say that I don't want you to just dissappear like so many others have.

I try so hard to speak up but I guess I don't have the confidence. I wish you would all just say something first!

busy busy busy

2004-08-23T02:03:05Z

So this weekend was full of excitement, frustration, concentration and money spending.

Wolf & Cub were brilliant as always. That band have this way of need to dance. There seems to be something very primal about them.

Bang made me feel at home and content. Our love our Bang group, we are all just so comfortable around each other. Those are the people that make me feel special, loved and welcome. My friend Emma came to Bang for the first time and I think she was a little freaked out by Tim and Jono but I do believe she had a good time. Dan payed me out and Jono told me I should give my speech, but that will never happen.

Beth and I went on a random Sunday drive. We had the windows down and the sun was shinning on our faces. We ended up at the parade for ice cream and then to Nathans so Beth could see his house. We were both in a really good mood so I think we scared Nathan and Lee by our constant laughing.

Sitting in the Kava hut with Nathan, Dan and Kim while they all played music was very chilled. The Kava made my tongue go numb!

We all agreed that the Hot Lies were better then After the Fall. It could have been all the annoying under ages who made us think that though. I saw my Hope, Tini, Kate, Jasha, and Pixie so I was happy.

The elephant walk was the perfect wind down to the perfect night!

I hope your weekend was as good as mine

BORED

2004-08-19T11:05:48Z

I am so bored! Please, someone entertain me!